“Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” 

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

Another pig walks into the bar and orders 2 pitchers of beer. He finishes them off and then asks where the bathroom is. The bartender replies “down the hall and to the left”.

Another pig walks into the bar and orders 3 pitchers of beer. Finishing them off he was just going to stand up when the bartender asks him “well aren’t you going to ask where the bathroom is?” The pig replies ” no, i am going to go wee wee wee all the way home.”

“Did you know,” says the cop,
“that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk.
“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”