Religions change, beer and wine remain. – Harvey Allen, 1889-1949

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. “Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”  “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It [....]

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says “You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants” The pirate replies “Ay, it’s drivin’ me nuts”

“There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.” -Willie Nelson

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” -Winston Churchill

“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” -Frank Zappa

A pig walks into the bar and asks for a pitcher of beer. He drank it all then asked the bartender where the bathroom is. Bartender replies “down the hall and to the left”. Another pig walks into the bar and orders 2 pitchers of beer. He finishes them off and then asks where the bathroom is. The bartender replies “down the hall and to the left”. Another pig walks into the bar and orders 3 pitchers [....]

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over. “Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” -Frank Sinatra